Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would have the confidence to be able to host a party... IN my own home!
I've never felt like my house was good enough, never clean enough, never pretty enough. The pillows on my couch have been slouching, my curtain rod is a little crooked, there's a few nail holes in the wall I haven't filled, electrical wires that still need to be covered and stuck to the wall. I accidentally got a little paint on the ceiling while painting my walls, my patio won't stay dust-free, there are paint marks outside my stencil line's on my stencil wall. I've got a piece of furniture in my living room that isn't finished yet because I haven't had the time, the rug in my bathroom doesn't match my shower curtain, and GOD FORBID.......... the grout in my bathroom floor, I don't think, has ever had a good scrubbing.
If someone were telling me this, I would seriously want to slap them for being such a debbie downer, and then hug and pray for them because life can be SO much more beautiful and exciting than they are allowing themselves to live. So, when I was thinking about how I didn't want anyone to see my house for fear of judgement of me and how I live, I decided there was no way to get over it than to jump in, and host a party. I did not give myself ten minutes to think about it, I ran to my computer, made up an Event on Facebook, added everyone I knew, and told them to invite friends. What can you do then? Hmm.... nothing. I do not learn from "sticking my feet into the water." I do not "just dive in" gracefully, because that would mean I didn't have mental problems, and we all know I do. So... I cannonballed. Within minutes, people confirmed, and I panicked. I wanted to cancel the party. "No one will come. They are just saying they will because they don't want to be mean. They are going to make fun of my house when they see it in person. I'm not a good cook, everything I make is going to turn out horrible." My husband loves me unconditionally.. and never told me to shut up.. just reassured me that I was doing such a great thing for myself and for my condition and he was so so so proud of me [he has the patience of the Great Buddha].
The day finally came, I was running around like a madwoman all day, trying to make my house perfect and "Summery"...since it was a Summer themed recipe swap. I made a fantastic punch, a Lemon Blueberry bundt cake (which I had never made prior), pulled pork (also a new recipe), and my Mama's famous grape salad [to die for.] I said a prayer, took an Ativan, and told God to take control of me and show me that everything will be okay. I had worry, of course, that doesn't just disappear. But I was also proud of myself that I had made it this far.
"Knock, knock." My first guest had arrived. Then second, then third.............they just kept piling in! I was in such a shocked/excited/upbeat mood that I had no time to worry about the negatives. I was looking at the mess all over my house, and I loved it. I loved that my friends came over to support me in something they had no idea they were supporting me in.. they all just wanted some good food and new recipes! The laughs, the food, even the compliments on how much they really, genuinely liked the things I had busted my rear off doing on my house. No one cared that I didn't have a ton of seating, they happily sat on the floor. No one cared that my bath mat didn't match my shower curtain.. my couch pillows were everywhere [which I loved]. No one even looked at my patio, much less the grout in my bathroom floor. My friends loved my curtains, complimented my piece of furniture that wasn't finished...... seriously? Ha! I'm such a goofball. Life is beautiful. You just have to focus on how good something can be, instead of all the ways it could possibly go wrong. Don't just stick your toes in the water..... Cannonball!!
To everyone who came to the recipe swap, THANK YOU! Just you showing up and being here in my home has already done wonders for me!
Here's some pictures from my awesome party!
My sweet baby girl and I, Pre-party. :)
Lemon Blueberry Bundt Cake deliciousness!
My girls :) & CJ, he decided he wanted to mingle too!
[love him so much.]
God pulled through for me :) It was perfect.
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